Descriptive Praise


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You may be someone who has never heard the term ‘descriptive praise’ or perhaps you know something about it but don’t fully get it. I studied descriptive praise as part of a Masters I did about 12 years ago when I used the work of Carol Dweck (the founder of the DP movement) to try and improve the resilience of pupils in my year group at school. At the time, all my friends were having children and I talked to them a lot about the importance of using descriptive praise. And then when I had my own children I sometimes remembered to use it!

Why, having studied it, reminded friends about it’s importance and knowing its importance myself, did I find it so hard to use!

Well firstly, lets get to grips with what descriptive praise is. Descriptive Praise is praise which tells a child exactly what they are doing well, and why it is a good thing! So instead of just saying ‘good girl’ or ‘clever boy’, you might say, ‘Thank you for putting your shoes away in the cupboard, that shows me you’ve remembered our rule about keeping the hall tidy’. Or even, ‘I’m so glad you’re speaking calmly and not shouting at me even though you are frustrated about doing your homework. It takes a lot of self-control to keep the inappropriate words to yourself’.

It’s not easy remembering to do this because it takes time and hard work. Yet it is so important in providing our children with the positive attention that they need. And if you tell them exactly what they are doing right, they can’t disagree with you and they will know for future which behaviour to repeat.

There are also strategies you can use, like the pasta jar, to help you remember to use descriptive praise and shower positive attention on your children. If you would like to know more about the pasta jar, and fully understand what descriptive praise is, do sign up for one of my positive parenting courses where I will teach you, in detail, why this type of praise helps you knock negative attention for your child on the head and helps to create a calmer and happier household.

Image credit: vazovsky

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